I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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