I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
