Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
