dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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