we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
