I love black thongs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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