sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
