Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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