dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
