she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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