I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
