She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
