TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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