sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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