Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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