I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
