Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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