Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
