hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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