we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
