He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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