I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize