I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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