and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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