oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
