In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just pee around me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
