Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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