i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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