So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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