is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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