So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
