Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
