my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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