I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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