i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
