some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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