Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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