her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
