I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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