saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
