Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
