i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
