At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
