Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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