....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
