its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
