One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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