Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
