you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
