I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
