So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
