My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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