I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
