I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
