just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
