Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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