I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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