You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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