I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
