You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
