; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
