So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
