you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
