turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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