so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
