I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
