I wish I could teleport
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
