Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
